Rules According to Teenagers

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When do I get a sweet ‘copter to help enforce the rules?!

 

Because I am certifiably insane, I give my students the chance to make the rules.  I like to see what they think is important. I also like them to feel as though they have some say in the rules they will be subject to for all eternity/current school year.  The rules I receive fall into one of three categories.  Category #1: Typical Rules (ex: No gum chewing). Category #2: Dream Rules (ex: listen to music, have drinks, and never do work).  Category #3: Downright Hilarious (you’ll see these in a few).

So, without further ado, I present to you the Downright Hilarious Rules for the 2014-2015 school year:

1. No stabbing people

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Y’all don’t even know the rough streets of Lake Mary!

 

2. McDonald’s for everyone (O.K. This is a Dream Rule, but I thought it was funny)

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Sure, kid, let me just serve those on a silver platter for you!

 

3. Keep track of the teacher

Hey, I need all the help I can get. I can barely keep track of me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4. Don’t park your car in the classroom

I can barely fit 18 kids in my room let alone a car.
I can barely fit 18 kids in my room let alone a car.

 

And there you have it!  I will say that most of the kids stayed within category one or two, which was appreciated.  I will leave you with a quote from today, as well as a ridiculous story. Adieu!

QUOTE: “Fact: I can catch a hummingbird with my bare hands! I also went diarrhea yesterday.”

STORY: One of my students audibly farted. The kid next to him made the comment that he didn’t want be near the flatulator(yes, I made that word up.) anymore, and at least HE was man enough to hold in his gas.  Fast forward to later in the period.  The I-am-too-man-to-fart kid was blatantly picking his nose like a prospector feverishly searching for glorious golden nuggets.  Color me confused…

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Just for Funsies…

o-BACK-TO-SCHOOL-facebookTwas the night before school and all through the house,

The teacher was stirring like a busy field mouse.

While packing her school bag with essential supplies,

She thought to herself, “Oh! How summer flies!”

The first week plans were nestled all snug in a folder,

But the teacher still felt like her stomach housed a boulder.

“I know I over-planned just in case things run awry,

but what if they hate my ice breakers? Oh my!”

When all of the sudden there arose another thought,

“Well, I don’t care if they like them or not!

I’ve done all I can to make learning fun.

They will deal with my silly games, each and every one!”

With a feeling of confidence arising in her soul,

She finally regained her sense of control.

Tomorrow she would walk into school without fear,

Knowing this would be one hell of a year.

By: me (and the guy who I ripped “Twas the Night Before Christmas” poem from)

Birds are carnivores?!

Today, hundreds of excited teens descended upon my high school in order to pick up schedules and books. After trying to help during the onset of said pandemonium, I was not given a task. So, I promptly returned to my secluded classroom and worked on oodles of things.  Well, about halfway through the day, one of my students came by to see me.  Our conversation started off perfectly fine; however, it quickly descended into the realm of insanity.  I was schooled.  Schooled in the ways of science.

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For realz…

Observe:

me: “Look at the bird feeder. The birds didn’t eat any over the summer. They hate the stuff I bought and now I am stuck with two bags of bird feed.”

student: “You need to feed them steak.”

me: “I don’t think birds are carnivores.”

student: “Birds love steak. I bet they’d eat the steak.”

me: “It’s been scientifically proven that birds are not carnivores.”

student: “We need to put a squirrel feeder out there. We should put steak in it.”

me: “Um, I don’t think squirrels eat meat either.”

student: “Sure they do. They’ll get all big and bulky and awesome.”

me: “Well, there you have it.”

 

So, needless to say, it is going to be a wonderful school year filled with hilarity, quotes, and meat-eating birds and squirrels. Bring. It. On.

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“Be as your fancies teach you…”

Some character in the play Othello said, “Be as your fancies teach you…”, which I think is pretty sound advice.  My fancies have taught me many things.  They have taught me to be sarcastic in moderation; exhibit kindness even when people think it is a sign of weakness; fight for the underdog; fiercely protect those I love; and, stick with it when the going gets tough.

I expect year seven of teaching will be a tough one. According to psychologists, “the seven-year itch” refers to a declined interest/happiness in your marriage during year seven.  Why year seven? I do not know.  Psychologists did not feel the need to explain themselves as to why they selected year seven as the itchy one.  Anyway, since my job feels like a marriage in many ways, I am wondering if I will experience this seven-year itch phenomenon.

No, not the movie, although I'd love to look as fabulous as Marilyn!
No, not the movie, although I’d love to look as fabulous as Marilyn!

 

Towards the end of every school year I question my choice of profession. Actually, that is a lie.  Every November and May I question my choice of profession.  Obviously, I fight past said questioning, otherwise I would not be going into my seventh year of teaching. Throughout the course of this year, I plan on writing about the following: funny things my students say, frustrations I experience, and my overall fight against the seven-year itch.

I hope you’ll join me down this path of madness and itchiness. School resumes August 11th, my friends. Until then… 🙂